A riddle

The dogs on my street have convened a conference and seem to be debating something important. So I've pretty much kissed my sleep good bye. Which isnt too bad.

Given the excess time on hand, I started mulling over a couple of tricky spots I've been in. I'll drum up an analogy.

Lets say you see me walking on the road, and there's a tree ahead of me in full sight. You call out to me, and right then I bump into the tree. Who's fault is it? Mine, yours, or the tree's ?
Ah. Hold that thought. I haven't told you that I bumped into the tree because I slipped on a banana peel. So who's fault is it now ?

"We see the world not as it is, but as we are.."

Stumbled across a good post. Most would find it very true. Atleast I did. For example, when we try to help or advise others.. we think we understand their point of view.. In my experience, however hard I tried, I was seeing their world with tinted glasses. Which bothered me somewhat. It meant when I was asking others for advice, despite their best intentions, they might have been telling me what they would have done with their life... and there's a case in point.
URL

Of people and situations..

To me, its a logical analysis of my experiences thus far. But some may perceive this as a negative post. So be warned, before you dig in.

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Life depends on three pillars.. you, the people around you and the situation (or environment). Without confidence in yourself you are pretty much done. There's no debate there. Lets dwell on the other two.

It would be nice if one could have the right people around you, and be in great situations all the time. I dream of that sometimes. I'v heard many others do as well. Anyways, assuming you are of a stoic, steady heart and mind, and as always, life puts you at a fork where you have two choices:
A) Great situation, not so great people
B) Great people, not so great situation
What do you choose?

You may claim these are not mutually exclusive cases, but really, they are, almost 70 to 80 percent of the time. I had the choice of staying in a great situation - as technical director, master of my domain, established relationships in the industry, ensured of a good future; except, I stayed half the world away from almost everyone I trusted and loved. That's Exhibit A.

Or, I could go to the people I cared about, and risk entering a fiercely competetive, completely unknown industry, with colleagues I had only spoken with on the phone, unsure of the future. Exhibit B.

How does one choose? A comfortable situation is great. Many pine for it. But to me, its no use if you do not have people to share it with, or to turn to for advice, or comfort. And I'm not referring to a single person. You need friends to hang out with. You need family to appreciate and care for you.

On the other hand, even if you are in a tough spot, if you have the right people with you, those same people will see you through. Tough situations can be overcome. They may lead to other tough situations as well. But you end up winning because the synergy drives you on.

There's a more subtle distinction. Situations can always change for the better or the worse. Good situations can quickly become bad. Ask a stock market trader, or the star developer who's high-profile product crashed during its launch. But good people never turn bad. No matter what you do, they will stick by you.

And then there's the challenge and moral boost. I would rather have the "Yes I DID it" surge after overcoming a tough patch in life, and appreciating those who matter, rather than ponder "hmm. another decent day. Watched a movie, did shopping, food music, Good for me." before dozing off to sleep. But that's just me..

Its not an easy choice. Once in a while a person has to choose the situation over the people: you have compulsions and obligations that force you to take those decisions. You even have to go into a cyclic pattern. But in the long run, if you look around, those who gravitate towards their people are probably the ones with more smiles on their faces..

(p.s.: I would like to acknowledge Rahul, a close friend who was largely responsible - by sharing his experiences - and helping me realize these subtleties when I was taking my decisions)

Outsourcing social work

The post below is written in the spirit of "Its better to be satisfied than just feel good. But its better to feel good, than not feel at all.. "

Having said all I say below - I still remain on the hunt for a way to directly make an impact in some way beyond money, so that I can feel satisfied, not just good about it. 

Suggestions most welcome.
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Still mulling over my last post, I started comparing the two countries I have lived in. One, a capitalist behemoth, whose supremacy is being challenged daily. The other, a pseudo-socialist setup, increasingly flirting with capitalism, in a sort of "I love it... I love it not" phase.
What makes the US tick is the fact that they have perfected the art of blending money, vision and talent to achieve a heady mix. So a company manufacturing PCs does not hesitate to hire a CEO (Lou Gerstner) who's resume doesn't have a byte of IT related experience. Lou didn't need to know nor try to learn programming or chip design to take IBM out of the doldrums. He didn't have the time. Instead, he used IBM's money to build a team of technical superstars who knew their jobs well.

Whizzing around to that conundrum called India, which has everyone sucking their thumbs in awe and fear, I thought of my own dilemma. I have a small vision: that I should be able to change someone's life for the better. Thus far, I have tried to implement that vision on my own. I have tried contacting NGOs, visiting them on weekends, running with their logos. But largely, my goal of making a direct impact has been largely unachieved, because I cannot shirk my other duties, nor take enough time out of my job to do something meaningful. But there are others who are wizards at this sort of work. They eat, think, and live in terms of figuring out the next better way to help the underprivileged. They are the ones who are willing to spend a day slugging it out at a BMC office, filing an RTI appeal to find out what happened to the 12 crores that were earmarked for Mumbai's public schools. My guess is they do not have the resources to do their tasks well.

So why can't we apply Lou's example here? I have belonged to the "noble brigade" where people don't believe in "throwing money at the problem" and "doing something" about it. Frankly, I can do nothing about it except on weekends. Which is useless in all ways. And from personal experience, I know that those who belong to the above-mentioned group end up neither contributing nor acting upon their vision. To all such people, I'd like to say that its time to outsource social work. Life is short, by the time you have more time, you will no longer have the energy or money to be of any use. So do what you can, now. You have the money, give it to some charity that fits your vision of how to use it, let them execute.

The dilemma

Having plonked down 2000-odd rupees (that's approximately 2000-odd dollars, in six-month's time I guess. Today its 50 dollars) for a pair of ruff-n-tuff woodland shoes I trekked out of the mall when I noticed a beggar with a kid laid out in front of her. By sheer habit I breezed out of her path, fuming at the atrocity of the woman, using her kid to beg. But two steps later i remembered there was a bandage around the kid's head. And my conscience started pricking me. I pulled myself further away, only to make a u-turn to go back to the beggar. Tried asking her what was wrong with the kid (I wasn't ready to just throw money at the problem.) But she couldn't understand me and simply kept on pleading.

Finally, I relented in frustration and gave her 10 rupees. Why not hundred? I dont know. I'd just run 6 Km in a CRY t-shirt. But somethng withing me kept revolting at the idea of giving money and putting the scene past my mind. Even now, I'm not sure what I should've done back then. Should I have called a doctor? In hindsight, maybe. Which doctor? Dont know. It was a Sunday evening. The only possibility was the government hospital. Didn't the woman know that?

I do not know that either. Except, despite having silenced my consience, I still continue to feel guilty somewhere.

Eureka

I'm known to ramble theoretically about real life things. So here's another theoretical thesis.

We all agree love goes through phases.. You have the 'Boing!' moment where you see someone and you feel light in the head. Then you have a crush.. (i'd like to meet the chap who coined the term. I want to have a crate of whatever he was eating or drinking that day. It must have been a guy. Guys are precise and to the point. Crush. Darn. Heck. Cool. etc. Simple guy words, conveying the entire meaning.)

After getting crushed you have the "impress" round. It works both ways. Girls flapping their eyelashes and putting their charming ways on display and guys flashing their muscles or motorbikes and relieving their parents of their hard-earned money to buy gifts.

Your sole desire in life is now to be with the other person, hear them speak and brainstorming with some poor soul about how to "get things going your way"..

Somewhere in between, comes a phase, where you love the other person so much, that you start feeling its best to start keeping a distance from them. You realise (s)he is perfect, what you have between you is perfect, and start feeling afraid that knowing each other to a greater degree will destroy all that exists between you. You no longer desire to "spend the rest of the life together until death do you apart".. Rather you now want the other person to have THE perfect life.. which ofcourse, you, now know isnt possible with you (because neither of you is perfect, remember?)..

Ok, Eureka moment over. What do you do when you hit this bend ? Do you spend the rest of your life pining for the other person and watch them marry someone else, or do you marry them, and after your first fight (hey. where there's a marriage there's a fight. Many fights.), start thinking the one you love might have been happier with someone else? The selfish part of me would choose to marry no matter what. The caring part of me might choose to let go rather than be the cause of any unhappiness to the other person..