Of things good and bad
Once I met a person who would go out of his way to help others. He helped me a lot as well, to get on with my life. I admired him, and yet, could not fathom why he would do such a thing, for such is the paradox we live today - we hope people will help us, and yet are completely confounded when people actually help us. So anyway, one day, curiosity got the better of me, and I asked him.
His response was simple, and to the point: "Because I can, and more importantly, because I have received a lot myself from others". This did not seem very satisfactory to me. After all, he had a life, and a family to take care of. Why would such a person with so many worries waste his resources on someone else, who would probably not even help him back? Pat came the reply, but more detailed this time
"See, life is not only about what you will get. There has to be a balance between what you take and what you give. I once knew a bania (vendor), who, for every loss he incurred, made sure he obtained atleast twice the profit elsewhere. While at his shop one day, I thought of applying the principle in reverse. From that day, I made a pact with myself - for every say, 3 or 4 good things that happenned to me, I promised I would try and do something good for someone else. It did not matter whom I helped, or how big or small my help would be, as long as I helped. Obviously, I cannot maintain a 1:1 ratio, of the good things that happen to me and the good things I pass on, because I have my own responsibilities to attend to. But I also ensure that my responsibilities and worries do not become an excuse for not helping others.
In return, this helps me in ways more than one. For starters, for quite some time, I had been feeling like a sink - because I was receiving a lot of help from many people, but had not given it back to anyone. Helping others gave me a sense of immense satisfaction, and made me feel I was finally part of a bigger circle, where good deeds pased on from person to person. Strangely enough, for each good deed I did, I kept on receiving more and more back. And obviously, the more I kept on receiving, the more I felt like giving back - something like the compound interest concept. ."
I sat back and thought a bit about what he had said, while he took a phone call. When the call was over, I had one last question for him: "What happens when something bad happens to you. Do you pass it on as well?". The fellow smiled at me and said
"Bad things happen in life. I accepted that long ago, its a rule, and so its out of my control. However, what I do know is that I can control my reaction to a bad incident in my life. When something bad happens to me, I know I have two simple choices: have a bad reaction, or a good reaction. I have never been able to completely ensure that my reaction is good. I may bang my fists, I may say bad things under pressure, but still, the desire to respond in a good way takes over and I go into damage recovery mode. From then on, things get better. Mind you, whatever be my reaction, I try to ensure that no one else is adversely affected by it.
So, to answer your question, No, I choose not to pass on anything bad that happens with me. I would rather absorb the bad, because just like good things lead to other good things, bad things lead to more bad things if allowed to propagate. Let me explain with an example. Its like a big nuclear reactor: each bad thing can potentially lead to 5 or 10 more bad things unless someone steps in and absorbs some of it. If no one steps in, you have a big, uncontrolled chain reaction, which in time can only lead to an explosion.
By absorbing - or atleast making an effort to absorb - some of the bad things, I know I am making a difference. That gives me the strength to go on."
Having said that, he turned around to take another call, while I left his office to ponder a little more. As I stepped out, there was a smile on my face and my mind seemed to be a little more at peace...
His response was simple, and to the point: "Because I can, and more importantly, because I have received a lot myself from others". This did not seem very satisfactory to me. After all, he had a life, and a family to take care of. Why would such a person with so many worries waste his resources on someone else, who would probably not even help him back? Pat came the reply, but more detailed this time
"See, life is not only about what you will get. There has to be a balance between what you take and what you give. I once knew a bania (vendor), who, for every loss he incurred, made sure he obtained atleast twice the profit elsewhere. While at his shop one day, I thought of applying the principle in reverse. From that day, I made a pact with myself - for every say, 3 or 4 good things that happenned to me, I promised I would try and do something good for someone else. It did not matter whom I helped, or how big or small my help would be, as long as I helped. Obviously, I cannot maintain a 1:1 ratio, of the good things that happen to me and the good things I pass on, because I have my own responsibilities to attend to. But I also ensure that my responsibilities and worries do not become an excuse for not helping others.
In return, this helps me in ways more than one. For starters, for quite some time, I had been feeling like a sink - because I was receiving a lot of help from many people, but had not given it back to anyone. Helping others gave me a sense of immense satisfaction, and made me feel I was finally part of a bigger circle, where good deeds pased on from person to person. Strangely enough, for each good deed I did, I kept on receiving more and more back. And obviously, the more I kept on receiving, the more I felt like giving back - something like the compound interest concept. ."
I sat back and thought a bit about what he had said, while he took a phone call. When the call was over, I had one last question for him: "What happens when something bad happens to you. Do you pass it on as well?". The fellow smiled at me and said
"Bad things happen in life. I accepted that long ago, its a rule, and so its out of my control. However, what I do know is that I can control my reaction to a bad incident in my life. When something bad happens to me, I know I have two simple choices: have a bad reaction, or a good reaction. I have never been able to completely ensure that my reaction is good. I may bang my fists, I may say bad things under pressure, but still, the desire to respond in a good way takes over and I go into damage recovery mode. From then on, things get better. Mind you, whatever be my reaction, I try to ensure that no one else is adversely affected by it.
So, to answer your question, No, I choose not to pass on anything bad that happens with me. I would rather absorb the bad, because just like good things lead to other good things, bad things lead to more bad things if allowed to propagate. Let me explain with an example. Its like a big nuclear reactor: each bad thing can potentially lead to 5 or 10 more bad things unless someone steps in and absorbs some of it. If no one steps in, you have a big, uncontrolled chain reaction, which in time can only lead to an explosion.
By absorbing - or atleast making an effort to absorb - some of the bad things, I know I am making a difference. That gives me the strength to go on."
Having said that, he turned around to take another call, while I left his office to ponder a little more. As I stepped out, there was a smile on my face and my mind seemed to be a little more at peace...
posted by Dream Runner | 10:23 AM
1 Comments:
Hi, I found this thru Selvin's blog and found some very moving posts. This one in particular strikes a cord in me. Thanks for writing these inspirational posts. :)
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